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Date : Monday, October 06, 2008
Time : 12:08 AM Title : riddles circles my birthday is coming and i am actually going to NOT spend it in sin..still remember how my 23rd birthday was celebrated.. =)
not really looking forward to that day right now.. oh, i just finally decided to create an account on facebook..since i am back and have nothing much to do..might as well spy on others right? hee..and you know what's the best part? my dearest dearest friend hasn't add me yet despite several nagging from me..tsktsk.. everything felt almost the same being back here..i will be back for good next year..well..i said the same old thing last year right? that i will only be gone for a year? but things have changed and plans have changed. it wasn't strong to begin with. everything seems so blurry right now. i wasn't part of your life, and you won't really part of mine. i started thinking a lot about us, these couple of days, and i actually cried the night i came back. you were, not to deny, my primary source of strength, when i was in china and that's why i really crumpled when you pulled out just like that. just like that. i realised how much i have depended on you, emotionally. and i realised how much you have not depended on me ever since i have left. how out of place i have become that you didn't know where you should place me when i returned. how plans were painstakingly made prior to my return and how plans were changed during my return. it has been a struggle since the day i'm back. and i am still right now waiting for something which will never happen. i just think too much has happened and i don't know how to make things go back to what they were so that's it then? i guess yeah it's often said that no matter what the truth is, people see what they want to see. some people might take a step back and find out that they were looking at the same big picture all along, some people might see that their lies have almost caught up to them, some people might see what was there all along and there are some others - the ones who run as far as they can so that they don't have to look at themselves. "stay and fight, and i will fight with you" ******** I hope it will never end. For all the sweetness that I wish for, I am willing to give up anything for it. Anything. For a memorable night to remember - Of red stars and red shoes. Of silly vending machines. Of the 12 pull ups. Of the promise to reach HSBC suspension bridge with me. Of wanting to take pictures with me. Of the lame jokes that I had laughed at. Of everything. I hope red will remind you of me. |
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