Date : Saturday, January 10, 2009
Time : 2:38 AM
Title : feeling happy.

human emotions are as simple as they are complex.

i'm reminded of that slow dance with you when i heard kiss goodbye on tv tonight. for that brief moment, we did probably had that sizzling feeling there, but it just didn't continue from that point onwards.

i caught you looking at me that night, and how uncomfortable i felt 'cos i knew you were looking at me. or was i mistaken? and how i tried to look at you again to see whether you were still looking at me.

lately, i am having these mental blocks. like suddenly, i just simply cannot recall certain things, like whether did i send that sms out, whether did that person reply; this afternoon i couldn't remember phone numbers too. been having random mental blocks.

i can suddenly feel so motivated, yet discouraged soon enough.

someone once told me that being alone does not equate to loneliness, and vice versa. i can't recall who said that though. you may have people around you, but you may still feel lonely. k told me that he has been doing things on his own when he's in singapore. someone once told me that she's queuing up (alone!) to buy bak kwa when i called to ask what she was doing. as i grow older, i realised that there are things which you begin to do it on your own, not because you do not have the company, but you do enjoy being on your own. for example, you can have all the time in the world, at your own pace. someone once told me that eating alone is actually an enjoyment. someone once told me that watching a movie alone feels totally different. i am so tempted to go and watch one on my own one of these days. but then again, does watching dvds alone equates the same thing?

i came back to singapore, feeling a little empty inside me. especially when night comes. like what i have said, it really feels so different this time round as compared to the previous.

and i realised that sadness is addictive and it eats into you. and happiness, at the same time, is addictive too. someone told me that it is harder to contain happiness as it disappears as fast as it appears. someone also once told me that happiness is not a destination but a journey.

i realised that it hasn't been raining. did i miss the december rain? i remembered stopping one of my msn conversations once at night so that i could go out to the balcony to watch and feel the rain.

there are many reasons why people get together, because they are lonely and need that companionship; because they have grown to get used to having that person around; because they enjoy being with that person; because feelings get developed and they just grow from that point onwards and so on. i remembered reading somewhere that being together with another person is because you want to take care and protect that person. is that what we called "unconditional love"?

in life, there are many things which we may have done and regretted, as much as we try not to. someone once said that as much as we try to forget, as far as we try to run, as much as we try to avoid, we cannot deny the fact that it has happened.

humans by nature, are affectionate with feelings and emotions. feeling down and unhappy at times is inevitable. the presence of unpleasant memories is part and parcel of life.

to forget, is to run away from reality.


and i really hope that i'm beginning to heal. =)






human emotions are as simple as they are complex.












******



i'm quite determined to visit peng lai when i go back this time round. not very eager, but since i am in yantai, i should just go. 'cos peng lai's like the place to visit if you are in yantai! plus i already have company! =)

you know how things just simply fall in place when you don't expect them to be. life is as queer as it is sane.

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Name: Wei Ling

Location: King's, Singapore

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