everyonestilllovesweiling

2010-01-28T00:32:00.001+08:00

"对不起，我的心只可以容纳我去爱一个人。。"

ought to be easier.

2010-01-26T23:04:00.002+08:00

sometimes you might wonder why the world seems so unfair.
some have the luxury of a very comfortable life, while some work like mad just to bring bread to the table.
some have all the luck in the world, while some don't.
i don't think you deserve it. and it is really too much for you to handle right now.
i should not be worrying so much for you, but i feel that things ought to be made easier for you. it is really very unlike you to leave everything behind.
i don't know how much i can help, and if only you are nearer to me, i could have dragged you out for coffee.

updates!

2010-01-17T22:05:00.005+08:00

some may know, this guy has been stalking me virtually ever since last year june. i have blocked him on msn, email and now, even restricted my blog's comments so as to not allowed anonymous comments anymore.
hmm, i don't think you can simply like someone when you don't even know him/her at all? come on, i have only worked with you for a project (and that was more than 4 years ago!) and i think i have never spoken more than a 100 sentences to you.
nothing much to say about him, just that i think he just simply doesn't understand simple plain english. hopes he will have all the luck in the world for anything/everything he is doing. i wish you the best and please do not contact me.

chinese new year is coming!

met gina and shireen respectively over the weekend and felt good just catching up! and of course dear dap with the regular late dinner at ajisen where we will share that bowl of noodles..haha..when is the next time??!
and hopefully can meet gil this week as well..

lots to do this week!

so far.

2010-01-11T00:06:00.002+08:00

work is getting rather tiring; yes busy and stressful. first week of the year and i OT for 3 days. and to add on to it was that i offered to help my colleague with his work 'cos he had some deadlines to meet and as a team that's what we should do the least. so this week should be my week to be 'cos i have 4 deadlines to meet by friday and none is complete. spent my entire sunday working on 1..
well, sometimes i will ask myself why i am working so hard. i like to slack as well. but too much of it isn't good. and well, getting more focused but still not there yet.
just did my appraisal last sat, there were some delays which explained why it was only done last sat. as much as i do appear confident, i was trying all sorts of means to delay the appraisal thingy. don't know, don't really like to do this kinda thing where your boss will grade you and let you know where you are weak at as well as your strengths at the same time. but glad it is over. hee.
things are getting more focused at work. just got to learn more..boss talked about sending me to night-classes (if i want) to improve on my technical side..well..since when am i so hardworking!!
but then, i also want to get married and have a taste of marriage life where my priorities aren't just about work anymore. but not so early..
no money how to get married..
money hasn't been rolling in..bank account isn't showing any growth..haha..WHY??
just read my horoscope of the day:
Wei Ling,
A friend or acquaintance wants you to go with them on a big, expensive trip and you know you have other priorities at the moment. While it may be tempting to run off for a week or so, the hot energy in your career sectors cannot be ignored.
haha! hmm..focus focus..hot energy leh..
anyway......
feeling slightly emo tonight so here it goes..
"sometimes i am glad that you are not with me anymore.."
i guess it is the best outcome for everyone.

happy new year everyone!

2010-01-03T20:16:00.005+08:00

at george's wedding 6am in the morning after only sleeping for 3.5 hours!

strangely i managed to look refreshed all thanks to the wonders of make-up! heee.

happy new year!

this year, i want to make it better than 2009,

to make this year more enriching,

the opportunity to travel more often than ever,

better health (chicken pox scars pls fade away quickly!),

for my bank account to increase as much as possible,

career-wise, some direction please!

good health and luck for family, friends and loved ones,

and most importantly,

to be happier!

not too bad and it is a good sign so far 'cos the year has started off with a happy occassion - my ex-boss' wedding where i got to meet almost everyone whom i've missed. dennis, kris, uj, alicia, kiran..and faces which i rarely get to see - khalid and francis..

photos should be up on facebook very soon..

and not to forget i woke up at 0430 on saturday morning for a run at the NUS sch of law at 0530 with my colleagues..the run took us almost an hour and it really felt good after that! lost damn a lot of water (and hopefully some fats as well!) and my face looked smaller! haha..just nice enough for the wedding where i was able to squeeze into my sis' white dress..i really don't have any white dress!!

gtg to continue doing work! update soon!

I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You.

2009-12-20T17:51:00.002+08:00

I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel ray
Stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who dies,
The only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you,
Love, in fire and blood.

b happier.

2009-12-09T03:29:00.000+08:00

B happier.
Life might not be as rosy as what it seems for everyone; but I am sure there will still be things which will bring a smile to you. Stuff which make you happy, people which you enjoy talking to.
You are still the same old person I have known.
Doesn't make me feel so much seeing you like that (after all it has been a while); but I really wish you can b a little happier. Maybe I am wrong but you always give me this impression that life is too complex for humans to comprehend.
And I really wish that you will b happier.

2009-12-07T17:01:00.003+08:00

i was recommended by bb to watch this. initially i also thought it was a spin-off from the twilight saga; so i wasn't that keen. until i was so bored rotting at home so..
the first few eps were alright..more like a b grade flick..i was like waiting for each ep to finish off and thinking why it is so slow..but as it goes along..what i really like are the twists in the storyline. very very unexpected. it is unlike some shows where you already know what it is going to turn out to be even before watching it.
i did my favourite googl-ing and read up more on it. anyway the female lead is really very beautiful. pretty is not the word here to use, but she is really very beautiful. the way she carries herself in the show, her style..the 2 male leads are not bad as well. cute.
not to mention that witches are also involved in this show.

office woes.

2009-12-02T16:42:00.003+08:00

when you leave 3 lonely guys sitting alone in the office...you get this kinda response from them:

i was happily enjoying my break from work when my bb started blinking and i got 3 smses from kenneth (my boss!), clarence and michael...and it goes like the above!

sob..

2009-11-29T20:25:00.003+08:00

as some of you may know, i am down with....chicken pox!
yeah..something that i don't know how to feel with this news..it is neither here or there..fancy getting it at such an age! why didn't i get it when i am younger!
the doc said adult skin heals slower than kids'..and adult chicken pox is more serious..haiz..
so far it is definitely not okay..gone is my beautiful face..sob..

moving.

2009-11-22T20:34:00.002+08:00

according to elizabeth kubler ross, when we are dying or have suffered a catastrophic loss, we all move through five distinct stages of grief. we go into denial, because the loss is so unthinkable. we can't imagine it's true. we become angry with everyone, angry with survivors, angry with ourselves, then we bargain. we beg, we plead, we offer everything we have. we offer up our souls, in exchange just for one more day. when the bargaining has failed and the angry is too hard to maintain, we fall into depression, despair until finally we have to accept that we have done everything we can. we let go. we let go and move into acceptance.

comfort food.

2009-11-22T13:41:00.002+08:00

bought a pint of their rum & raisin too!

2009-11-20T22:39:00.001+08:00

其实，我想的很简单。
如果你不明白，是因为你想的太多。

insomnia..

2009-11-20T01:20:00.000+08:00

Can't sleep..first time since I began working in sg ever since I am back..why??
Can't stop thinking..

2009-11-12T09:17:00.000+08:00

Guess I wanna be back there whenever it gets tough here..

Spotted this pretty lady on the bus this morning..very oriental looking and she's tall..

sick..

2009-11-09T08:23:00.000+08:00

Now sitting at the doc's early in the morning..sniffing..falling sick..feels good too to have a day to sleep in..hope that there is nothing urgent at work today..

2009-11-08T16:05:00.002+08:00

Been busy that the only time I blog is when I am travelling from pt a to b. Yesterday I took bus 143 from jurong east all the way to toa payoh and it took me....one hour and 45 mins.....haha..
It's back to singapore finally, the picking up of bits and pieces which I have left behind previously..and with a couple ones taking a longer time to do so..
It always takes two hands to clap but it always feels good when you still regard me as your bf..
Found one more coffee kaki.
Some people are acting a little strange or am I being too sensitive?
It's always a matter of getting used to, isn't it? Something which you have taught me before. I can type so fast on my bb that a colleague thought that I wasn't using my bb to reply her email. Haha..
It always takes just a little positivity in us to make things easier. Or am I just trying to run away? Dan told me if he starts the day feeling very negative, the day would be so with him. People asked me how I am coping with work; well, I believe there will always be difficulties anywhere everywhere. We ought (must) to take every bit positively and things get done easier. When people push extra work to you cos they are too lazy to do it, just take it cos you are the one whom will be learning more at the end of the day. :)
Okay I am reaching my destination, for now that is.

too skinny.

2009-11-07T20:57:00.000+08:00

So long, thin and fragile that it might snap and pierce into my palms if I were to try to break it into two. A tree trunk might be better, and probably wouldn't hurt as much.

You lose one, you gain another. How queer life turns out to be.

things will get better..

2009-11-03T20:01:00.000+08:00

Not a good feeling right now, on my way to my destination. Sitting on a very long journey, things will get better for everyone, especially for you and you.

nothing much to talk abt.

2009-10-31T22:19:00.002+08:00

wow, i just gotten enlightened by someone. :) which is a good thing 'cos i have always looked upon him as a mentor, a advisor, and a friend.
how many 6Ks can i earn? 1 year, 2 years or 3 years? and what happens after that? give it some thought..
anyway i finally got my pink card today. had some ceremony thing going on this late morning at the singapore discovery centre with all the other people..lunch buffet wasn't that nice..and off we went to jurong west to shop after that..gotten 2 tops which i thought it would look nice on me!
i think i am going to fall sick...feel super weak..like no energy like that..
oh yah, did something quite bimbotic last friday..i left house for work without wearing my contacts and only realised it on the train when i couldn't read the words from some stranger's newspapers! and i spent the entire day kinda blind in the office..i mean how can that happen to anyone!? sigh..
i have been having weird dreams these few days..
i finally went to this jurong west place to have japanese food..a very nice place for a quiet date in fact..but too bad la, no date leh..then i was wearing this super body-hugging work skirt which is not stretchable..and just nice dan asked me out for dinner..and offered to come and pick me up...so i unglam-ly sat on his bike in my super short skirt (with some skills and a jacket to cover)!
work's alright, just very busy with lots to learn and sometimes i feel that i am not fast enough. not many mistakes made and still figuring out whether the job scope is what i like and want to do. been having lots of opportunities to have delicious food at work......which is making me not losing any weight possible..
lots happening ard me, esp to 2 people whom i care about a great deal. they are going thru a difficult time right now and i hope that things will turn out fine for them somehow someday..
till the next time..

!!!

2009-10-22T20:15:00.002+08:00

i didn't know the price of magnum is this high now! $4.20 for a stick of ice cream!?

food and me.

2009-10-18T20:06:00.004+08:00

wow. been a while.
work has been quite tiring. lots to learn. lots to do. company gave me a blackberry to use, and it is actually nothing good abt it at all. haha. emails are supposed to be checked 24/7, but right now this weekend i have a total of 70 odd emails unread; which i am too lazy to use the web mail to access them. cos my IE keeps having some error whenever i use the web mail.
just like the other sunday my colleague changed the meeting time for the weekly monday meeting to 9am instead of 11am and she informed all of us by sending an email meeting invite. if i never check my bb on time, there goes..
birthday this year has been quite something. my colleagues surprised me with a cake and not to forget a evenly good lunch at vivo with them. dinner was at vivo was well and i had lobster! received birthday wishes from the usual peeps, with a few random people; people whom i didnt think will do so. what is more surprising is from someone whom i havent been contacting for quite a while, hence, it took me a while to figure out that number.
what is missing is my promised muffin and a promised birthday card.
silly girlfriends from china sent me presents! one huge frame featuring a cross-stitched picture of precious moments (will post it up someday) and another sent me a big bag of tibits from china! haha. stuff which i have been eating in china! haha..
been eating a lot, and drinking a bit too. i try to stay on the safe side, having margaritas. especially love them when the glass rim is coated with salt. had a nice dinner at marina @ keppel bay. expensive restaurant - prive - where the bill came up to 400+ for 7 people. and we didn't order a lot. had dinner & drinks at vivo's the queen and the mangosteen some nights ago and we were left pondering about the name of the place. asked the waitress but turned out she also knows nuts about it. had very fresh sashimi at the place near holland village (it is some place at buona vista which i still had no idea how to go there) followed by harry's. so well, been eating a lot a lot and a lot. how!? tried this korean bbq at bugis and it turned out pretty bad. i think after you had real korean food, less authentic korean food simply just doesnt taste that good. the kimchi was plainly sourish; but there was still the long queue and it was full house! had carl's junior's portobello mushroom burger which tasted like bk's. portion is big enough to be shared between two. had my favourite curry puff followed by hokkien mee and rojak. how not to get fat!! oh not to forget shir + jm @ imperial treasure last week having fatty roast pork!
so this has been my life these days.
i wanna shop i wanna shop i wanna shop for new clothes to wear!

random.

2009-10-03T20:09:00.002+08:00

super old sch but got it since it's so cheap.

came in all sorts of design. but can't think of what to use it for.

finally got a mini cactus to put it next to my laptop. for radiation purpose. haha. let's see how it will grow!

since it is october..

2009-10-01T00:03:00.000+08:00

and october is meant to be a month of celebration.

thus it's time for..

a new read..

a pair of new shoes..

a pair of new specs..

yeah!

2009-09-25T12:35:00.000+08:00

i'm off to m'sia for a short trip this weekend! have fun everyone!

容祖兒 - 這就是愛嗎

2009-09-10T00:15:00.000+08:00

craving just nice.

2009-08-31T22:03:00.001+08:00

how much do you love me?

2009-08-30T23:58:00.002+08:00

how much do you love me?
i love you with all my heart, is that enough, for you?

certainly in life, we would always want to be loved in return, for that amount of love we have put in for the other. but sadly in life, this is not always the case to be.

"my friend and his gf were together for 5 years, and guess what? they broke up."
"well, sometimes things are just not meant to be."
"yeah i know, but it is just....so unfair! i mean the guy is quite a good guy..."
"hmm..maybe they are just not suitable for each other."
"yeah but it is a fucking waste of time!"
"well, some people take some time to finally find someone whom they want to settle down with, someone whom they want to spend their life with."

so how much do you love me?
i love you with my heart, and that's the only way i know how to love you.
that's enough for me.

the museum of broken relationships

2009-08-29T09:11:00.000+08:00

this is the museum of broken relationships.
www.brokenships.com

"he gave me his mobile phone so i couldn't call him anymore."

"i had this love, this really great love, a long-distance relationship. of course, we dreamt of a life together and with that in mind i bought this huge toy caterpillar and every time we saw each other we would tear off one leg. when we ran out of legs, that would be the time to take that big step towards merging. but, naturally, as it happens with great loves, the relationship went down and the caterpillar has not become 100% disabled."

" 'i will be your sun. lch will deine Sonne sein. yo quiero ser tu sol.' those were the words of my husband. several months after the wedding, i found out that he never loved me. we separated and submitted our divorce papers. we bought the deer for our first and only christmas also known as the day of love. it stood under our christmas tree. now, it will travel around the world searching for true love."

-

2009-08-27T00:03:00.003+08:00

心要定，眼要灵
进即可攻，退亦可守
其实天下间每一件事都有两面的
有些人往往执着某一面
反而逼自己入死胡同走不出来
只要放开一点，不要老是想着要攻
退一步，反而是海阔天空
问题不是你想不到
而是你愿不愿意去想
不过举棋不定，总好过放弃离场
至少你肯面对，既然你选择面对
就要步步为营
免得一子错，满盘皆落索
到时候就恨错难返了

depressives

2009-08-24T00:32:00.001+08:00

"everyone wants to be happy.
depressives don't.
they want to be unhappy to confirm their depression.
if they were happy, they couldn't be depressed anymore.
they'd have to go out into the world and live, which can be depressing."

twenty-third august!

2009-08-23T03:09:00.008+08:00

first of all, happy happy birthday wei yen!
one year older one year wiser eh!

i've been catching lots of shows these few days:

1. closer (natalie portman, julia roberts..)
- been wanting to watch this since it was out but missed it somehow. not bad!

2. UP
- OMG! i love love the starting of the show! super touching! the ending is not bad, light-hearted movie meant for everyone.

3. overheard 窃听风云 (liu chingyun, louis koo, daniel wu)
- hmm, quite refreshing initially but typical ending.

4. atonement (keira knightley)
- similar to changeling, this is my kind of show. i like this movie.

5. the break-up (jennifer aniston)
- not bad. good practical ending. and jennifer aniston is so so beautiful!

6. 17 again (matthew perry, zac efron)
- not really my kinda show; watched it cos of all the hype.

7. the prestige (hugh jackman, christian bale)
- watched this again cos i wanted to watch christian bale and scarlett johansson is so so so hot in this show! haha..

and it's raining, once again. :)

-

2009-08-15T04:55:00.001+08:00

“你不要以为她不会喊痛她就没感觉。”

这句话不错吧。

second chance.

2009-08-14T00:07:00.000+08:00

why did you react in such a manner?
'cos i was scared.
scared? of?
'cos it had never happened to me before. i wasn't placed in such a situation before. i didn't know how to react, hence, i reacted in a way to protect myself. i was emotionally affected, you see.
would you have reacted differently if you've had more time?
absolutely.
would you wish for a second chance?
i don't think it is necessary now.

me is back.

2009-08-05T00:07:00.001+08:00

eh.
i know i haven't been writing so often in this space, especially ever since i left for china.
i spent some time reading my past entries and well, somehow it seems like time hasn't really gone by that quickly after all.
i can remember most of the stuff which i have written and what exactly have happened.
and in fact, i find some entries of mine pretty intellectual-sounding! aren't they!? haha..but for one thing which i have noticed, they are simply confusing that even me myself will get annoyed with me for writing in such a manner. of course, i always tend to be so random that i jump from topics to topics.
somehow i can't seem to write as frequently as i hope i can. every time i start blogging, it will somehow stop somewhere. like words can't seem to flow anymore.
is it 'cos i no longer feel as much as before?
recently it seems like i'm having this mental block, or rather, emotions block. i can't seem to feel much. no happiness, no sadness, no unhappiness. why!?
i remember writing very frequently in the past 'cos i was unhappy and writing is an avenue for me to vent my frustrations. i still can remember dear old T asking me whether my confidant is my blog when i told him i was unhappy and had found someone to talk to. well, it is really rare to find someone who really knows me inside-out and T might just happen to be the one at that moment of time.
i'm still adjusting my life back to sg and (yes i might not be trying hard enough) i am still not used to it. maybe i am not as adaptable as i thought i am.

oh well, i will make an effort to write more, for all my loyal readers out there! haha..

变

2009-07-29T02:36:00.003+08:00

变了。
变成一个我无法抓没的人。无法看透心里的话，无法猜透真实的心。

我也变了。

不写了。

So long, China!

2009-07-07T21:02:00.001+08:00

me finally back in sg after a year and 8 months in china.

starbuck-ed in beijing.

2009-04-09T09:00:00.000+08:00

beijing tianjin!

2009-04-03T15:46:00.004+08:00

quick update:

i will be leaving for beijing tomorrow morning and coming back here on monday! it is the 清明节 holiday (sat, sun and mon). planning to head to tianjin as well 'cos the train from beijing-tianjin will take only 30 minutes (super duper fast going at 300+km/h) and i've always wanted to take such a train in my life. heehee.

so in fact my intention of stepping into beijing, once again, is 'cos i wanted to take the high-speed train to tianjin, even though there's really nothing much at tianjin or so i assume. tianjin is famous for its 狗不理包子..printed out my beijing subway map, my beijing places of interests map as well. booked a pretty decent hotel room and i really hope it's good!

starbucks at tianjin here i come!

oh not to mention i hope i won't be going to places which i've already been in beijing! which means that no more great wall of china, forbidden city, temple of heaven, tian-an-men square, olympics bird's nest and swimming pool (the cube), summer palace for me anymore! but it will also depends on my companion la. but anyone should really just go to the tian-an-men square, seriously! it is really majestic!

i wanna go see panda too! but this morning my boss just told me see panda should go sichuan..maybe..let's see how..

not to mention lots of shopping and eating! oh how i miss singapore food...................

irregardless.

2009-03-24T16:24:00.002+08:00

it has started to snow, once again. the glass is misty, the heart is cold. it is already march, but it's still snowing. when will summer comes?

i am only wearing a short sleeved shirt and a skirt with my stockings. with a jacket to keep myself warm. a little underdressed for the weather. and with the thought of going to the gym tonight as well.

i don't know how long i can, but i will love you till the day i can't.

i'm lucky i'm in love with my best friend.

2009-03-16T21:38:00.003+08:00

random.

2009-03-10T10:15:00.010+08:00

人真的会变。

especially when we lose the basic element of trust. we start to be very wary of others, and to keep people at arm's length.

especially when you know that you have to keep someone so dear to you out of your circle of trust, in order to be part of that circle. and all you can do is to feel sad about it.

especially when you learnt that that someone whom you hold so dear to you might turns out to be not as simple as you think she is. maybe all along she has been lying to you.

especially when you know this person might not be the nicest person around and she might be doing everything for her own self-interests; but you still want to hold her close to your heart. for after all she has been there when you were at your lowest point and has seen you fall and has also offered a helping hand to pull you up. and it is also this type of person whom has captured your heart and no matter what she has done or will do, you'll always help her and keep a look out for her.

especially when you know he might be lying to you all along but you still choose to believe him no matter what others will say.

i don't know how easily i take to trust a person. but to easily trust someone wholeheartedly, i don't think i can.

it is different working here. you can't trust anyone, but you have to trust everyone. get it? the chinese works on the basis of trust and the more they trust you, the easier things get done. but the more you trust them, the more suspicious things get. this is based on my experience as well as my colleagues' experiences working here. i'm really impressed by the chinese 'cos they can simply lie without batting an eyelid and they are really very good with words which need you to read between the lines. as often as ever, things they say always carry more than what they seem to be. you simply have to find out the hidden meaning in them. but you need to trust them else things dont get moving.

office politics and office gossips are simply hay-wired too. news travel way fast, especially when you have such a small-knit expat society. even the black cars down my block have their own black-car society. we dont even have to say where we are working at where we are heading at this hour, they simply know.

starbucks spotted to open here soon. how true is it??

nobody but you.

2009-03-02T21:57:00.002+08:00

super super cute song by the wonder girls..
korean singers..

i want nobody nobody but you!

missing you.

2009-02-25T13:16:00.002+08:00

i never knew it would feel like that.

starbuck-ed.

2009-02-15T19:21:00.002+08:00

aye. so this is it.

it's hard to be wrong, somehow.

but it's weird.
it's weird.
it's weird.

when you put two sleep-deprived individuals on a road trip to qingdao.

it felt really different. 'cos it was something i've never done before. us taking a stranger's car down to qingdao. and with the cute part involved 'cos the driver brought along her husband.

well, it's v-day after all.

it's a 3 hours drive away and what we did was to pay 600 rmb to hire a car for the day to bring us to and fro qingdao. the driver waited for us at qingdao while we went round 'cos it doesn't make sense for her to waste $$ on her petrol to drive back and to come again. so her husband came along to accompany her.

we didn't plan to go qingdao on v-day. or rather, i didn't plan to do so. i was asked and i said okay 'cos i wanted to drink my starbucks and to get out of here, even if it's temporary.

and so, i drank my starbucks. green tea frap.
and had my right wrist held for the longest time ever.

and it really felt different. it's one of the most exciting and memorable v day i've experienced in my life till now. for all the little snippets which had happened yesterday. :)

and i guess i will just go with the flow.

you are.

2009-02-13T08:14:00.005+08:00

you are strangely attractive and yet so.
you are strangely attractive and yet so irresistible.
you are strangely attractive and yet so annoying.
you are strangely attractive and yet so hard to understand.
you are strangely attractive and yet so distant.

you're strangely attractive and i'm trying to pull away.

the first sunday that i am back.

2009-02-08T21:42:00.008+08:00

i was busy with - washing clothes aka selecting clothes to throw into the washing machine hanging my washed clothes mopping the floor cleaning the toilet tidying my room which was in a total mess. these are the things which i usually don't do back in singapore. gl once told me that the reason his sister left home was 'cos she wanted to grow up. as for me, well, i haven't figured out mine yet. of course i've grown to be more independent over here, but everything seems to be what they are whenever i am back in singapore. i guess some things just don't change. i guess i haven't changed in that aspect. i still want to be that pampered daughter at home.

talking about food, i have totally no appetite for ynt food you know. i have been eating like a rabbit these few days, relying on my scarce source of singapore food supply - it is really getting pathetic. i guess it will take some time to get used to ynt food once again. i even had ajisen on saturday which was one of the cleanest safest food around. not really that daring to venture out and try the usual food which i take after that food poisoning incident. well, it is really not enjoyable puking, especially when you just puke water out..

i realised that besides k, there are a couple of people here whose initials start with k too. just on saturday, well, this guy, k, how should i put it; he came and talked to me again. why do i say again? well............

i guess charisma is really..you are simply born with it or you simply do not have it. some people just simply have all the charm in the whole wide world and can just walk away like that. you get it? no matter how much he has done to you, how much unhappiness he has once brought to you, and how guarded you are towards him and how you have built this wall of self-defense around him, the moment he appears, everything just simply vanish, just like that. k just happens to be such a person. or so he assumes.

but he's really funny la. 'cos i've been ignoring him (stopped talking to him) for damn long. then when i finally replied his msn message, the first thing he said was, "finally willing to talk to me huh?" and i said "yah". and the next day, he pretended to pop by my office but the fact was that he wanted to come in and talk to me. it's either he's really a very bad actor or i'm simply so good at reading people.

we spoke like old times, with the occasionally flirting involved that even my colleague couldn't stand us. well, harmless fun i guess. we spoke as if nothing has ever happened before. was it supposed to be like that? perhaps i could do so, just like him. i teased him for the silly things which he has said or done and he, in return, did the same. well, i guess even players deserve to be credited 'cos they, at least, make the effort to remember things about you. k is apparently a player 'cos he erm had a fling with my colleague's gf when he was not ard la. but it's not up to me to judge i guess.

hmm, this k here is the guy who was there for me when i just broke up with my ex-bf. he brought me out watched movies ate dinners talked to me on the phone till we had no $$ left msn-ed skyped me daily and also asked me to be together with him la. but i didn't want to 'and we stopped talking. but i also know that nothing will ever happen between us again, 'cos i know k wouldn't allow that. he will make sure that i wouldn't get myself all messed up. :)

on a sidenote, i'm planning to go qingdao this weekend for starbucks! and eh, it's v-day as well this saturday!

容祖兒 - 心淡

2009-02-07T22:55:00.001+08:00

silly us.

2009-02-06T18:28:00.003+08:00

sigh..what to do..different people get different kind of treatment lor..
of course..haha..
yah lor..forget it lor like that..
eh..gl what..
yah la..cos it's gl..that's why the different treatment lor..
understood..
haha
no la..
where got..
i'm nicer to you lor..
serious meh..i don't feel it lor..
maybe not nice enough..
still need more..
hehehehe..
HAHA
sure
you wait
sure got
still need to wait one ah..cannot now meh?
wahahhaha
.
.
.
yah lor..what to do..everyone wants to hang out with me..
wahahaha
LOL
yah yah
you dont want to hang out with me meh?
maybe?
actually you also no choice
cos we are together
cannot escape from me..
true
orh..so you're saying that you rather be left alone lah..and don't need me anymore la..
hmm
can try
okies lor..start from now lor..
byes
haha
ehhhhhh..
just kidding la..
you know me what haha
no i don't want to know you..excuse me ah..why are you still msning me ah..
i very petty one you know..
really ah
okay lor
then how?
then just hug me later lor
what else can you do..hahaha
like that ah
then okay lor
dont msn lor
haha
wahhhhhh!!
okay fine..since you want it that way.. :(
okay
what to do
someone sure really got attitude problem lor..
want to talk to me..but actually like don't want to..
what to do
weird people are like that
want to go out with me..but also act like don't want to..
HAHAHAHAHA
how lah like that..you tell me
hopeless care right this one..haha
.
.
.
hmm
you know that day he spoke to me la..
he said that he feels that what i am worrying about is my importance in this team
like how impt a role i am playing
yeah that's what i was going to say as well
why leh
i don't know..general feeling i guess..
maybe you don't think you're impt to the team
or you don't think that you're capable enough..
well, isn't everyone impt?
yeah of course!
you're the most impt to me!!
wah!
but i guess i also know that when someone leaves..a subsitute will come in..
that is inevitable..
i tell you sth k..
my sec 4 chinese oral..damn power k..
cos the topic was about overseas schooling vs local schooling
then i said i prefer to be educated locally
cos at the end of the day, when you are schooling abroad and when you leave,
the space which you've once occupied will be somewhat replaced as easily as you have once occupied..
then the chinese teachers looked at me in awe k..haha
wahahha
good theory..
well it's evitable what..
cos in spore everyone is dispensable..
that's how our society is..
hopefully you will make up your mind soon..
anyway i gtg now..
don't think too much about me ah..
haha
okay i wont..
wahah
no you should!
why should i?
go out la you..haha

food poisoning!

2009-02-06T13:54:00.003+08:00

i was down with food poisoning yesterday. i puked and had diarrhea as well..like what my colleague said..she has never occurred 2 symptoms at 1 go before..likewise..i have never too..i think i puked like 5 times and went to the toilet like 3-4 times.

best part? i lost 1.5 kg.............of water though. haha..i didn't eat for 24 hours..my roommate cooked porridge for me last night but i didn't have the appetite to eat.. :( i really don't know what i have eaten which has led to my food poisoning..anyway, i was craving for ribena..but don't have..then my roommate was so nice that she got me the ribena pastilles as a subsitute..heehee..and i was simply craving for sweet drinks...there was only sprite in the fridge..so i drank that...after which, i went to google and realized that people actually drink sprite to make their food poisoning better! how co-incidental is that!

did it make me feel better? hmm...a little i guess..

and i was actually home-sick......................'cos of yesterday's. if only i was at home...i would be pampered as a princess (oops!). yah lor..yesterday i felt so alone even though i had caring colleagues..and i told myself that i wouldn't want to suffer from those prolong illnesses when i am old..the feeling is not very good..you feel so weak..physically mentally emotionally..and it was just food poisoning and i couldn't take it already..heehee..i am not that strong as i thought i am..

and it so happened that there were so many phone calls yesterday..my boss called me from singapore as well, from a forest. -_-"" he was doing his re-service la..and he wanted to know whether we are all okay.

beginning to start to get used to being back here, but as what you have seen, my body still need some time to adjust to the not-so-clean food here. hahah..

:)

2009-01-29T03:00:00.008+08:00

you're right to say it's good to experience certain unpleasant things in life. :)
hee..i think we grew up quite a bit right?
can't imagine myself thinking like that in the past!
of course we won't think like that in the past 'cos life has been too good for us.
we were lucky 'cos we experienced true friendships and nice guys whom hearts we break.
but as we grow up, bound to meet people that don't treat us sincerely with their hearts.
that's why we crumble 'cos never experience before.
but you're right..
lucky it was just a year plus and not 5 years for me to see what kind of person he is!
haha it's normal my dear if you still feel sad when you think of him sometimes.
after a while, you will realise it's just the events which happened that you feel sad about,
not him the person that you still haven't let go. :)
eh..i think so too..
of course will remember the happy times..
i think you can change career path and go and be counsellor! serious!
lol no la 'cos i experienced such feelings before also leh.
certain things i can't forget. actually part of me was pissed and affected.
but i decided it's not everything as long as i've tried my best.
you're right..i think the more pissed one is, it shows we're actually affected..
but i'm glad that you've learnt that it is not everything if you've put in your best! :)
that's true actually we are quite lucky at least we've friends that care about us truly.

for you're my life buoy till it lasts.

all about my boss!

2009-01-27T04:00:00.001+08:00

conversation with dap:

not zz yet?
waiting for you.
wah...
don't know whether i should blog or not, got feel la.
can. i seldom have feel now.
but my feel is about my lifebuoy. am afraid that my blog will be too k-infested.
feel is like a fleeting cloud, lose it and you won't be able to catch it back.
words of wisdom. speaks like a wiseman ah you.

*******

he left today. felt a little lost without him around, not like he has always been around anyway. that time went tianjin without letting me know too. but just felt a little empty somewhat.

this is also a post all about my wonderful boss!

slept pretty late on saturday (4+ am) and woke up to my boss calling me early on sunday morning at 8am to go for breakfast at haji lane there. -_-"" but boss was nice enough to pick me up at cck when he stays at sembawang! heehee..

met up with k and a at bugis to proceed on to breakfast. me of course, wore my stylo-milo shades which boss said i looked like some taiwanese movie star la. what to do, eye bags were super horrible due to the lack of sleep..haha..

didn't manage to drink the teh halia which we wanted, had a sumptuous breakfast and we were sent home by boss once again. where to find such a boss like that!??! one who will ferry us and who will ask us to take his car when he won't be in town and meet us once he's back and give us morning calls to go for breakfast and one who will treat us as part of his family. my nicest nicest boss in the whole wide world, one whom i will never ever leave if i'm given a choice. i mean he will definitely be one of the factors which i will consider when i leave.

actually met up with my boss on saturday as well, as well as k. my boss wanted to talk to me but i didn't want to meet boss alone so drag k along..and stupid k, kept telling me that he will run away and leave me alone with my boss. as usual, coffee session at bugis tcc, which later on, boss requested for red wine as well. so the 3 of us were drinking red wine at tcc at 4+ pm. -_-"" i didn't finish my first glass. had dinner with boss at fish n co (bugis - the seafood platter was quite bad actually) - the 2 of us only - cos k had another appt and he left me with boss ultimately. was supposed to meet gil and may but they were busy. =(

my darling boss even promised to bring (read: drive) me alone to qingdao just to drink starbucks! and he says he will take 2.5 hours instead of the usual 3 hours to drive down..heehee..but as usual, he always promises but..............NATO..

but then nevermind, i have already told/informed (not ask mind you hee) k le, no matter what, we should go down to qingdao to drink starbucks! i am very determined to do it and you know how rarely i am so determined to do something! then i complained about k going back only on the 8th and not sooner. then he said i can go down with the rest and when he returns we will go down together again, or do i rather want to wait for him? he's just waiting for me to say it....................but i didn't haha.. you think qingdao so near and so fun that i want to go down so frequently?? grrrrrr.......

boss said i seem to have a greater goal behind the reason why i am still staying in yantai, though he doesn't know what it is. i told him not to worry about me, 'cos i will definitely go back to yantai. he said it's not a matter of whether i will go back, it is a matter of whether i want to go back or i don't want. left me pondering for a little while..

anyway, i was watching zhang ziyi's jasmine women 茉莉花开 on tv on friday i think..eh i like this kinda show..not bad. and i like the actor, liu ye. i think he's really a very talented actor. he acted in curse of the golden flower too as the useless first prince.

okay abit tired. nights!

K is back! =D

2009-01-24T01:51:00.004+08:00

he sms-ed me.............heehee..

i'm back..
wah..just touched down? going where now?
going for supper..
.
.
u not going anywhere?
nope..just got home..pretty tired..haha..
oh ok..meet me tmr?
what time u going down tmr? my ex bf suddenly msn me..
what he msn you? i tom shld be going dwn at arnd 2pm.
said random stuff..then said i was more impt to him in e past but not now..then still tell me he's chasing a girl now and shld b quite successful..but cos i asked him la..
why did you go and ask sth like that? but he really is sth, dare to rub it to u in ur face.
yah..he's straight forward la..just now told me i gained weight..you still out?
wah lau u r not fat la. yeah i'm still out. u want to talk to me ah? hahah..

i haven't reply him leh........

updates:
erm he called me, not once but twice. haha. once at 2+ am when i didn't reply........but he was still out and i was watching some random show on tv. 2nd time when he got home at 3+ am and i just co-incidentally finished my show. then we spoke for quite a while in fact..........about random stuff too. heehee.

being e random me.

2009-01-21T03:10:00.005+08:00

i realised i have rather random people reading my blog..
and so, being the random me, am thinking of keeping it private for the time being till i change my mind...just a thought..so well, let me know if you still like to read my blog...so that i can add you in.. :)

i went to bed pretty early tonight, before 1 am. had a very scary dream which woke me up and then i continued sleeping. and dreamt again...................about war (!??) and wu bai was my commander (!!! yah the taiwanese singer) and also about him (!!! what the..). yeap...........and then i woke up once again.......

so here i am..

silly us and great plans ahead!

2009-01-20T01:35:00.006+08:00

you know how it feels to have great plans ahead?

i don't deny that it's still affecting me once a while. i'm still human after all and a real emo one to begin with..

with great plans ahead, like a chalet, cny visitings and life in yantai after this stop, and well, life after yantai too in fact. i am so motivated to take my 3 hours ride down to qingdao just to drink my starbucks on sundays, and i for sure will drag him along. heehee.

can't help but blog about us again. *grin*

conversation with A:

girl have K spoken to you yet?
no ah..never leh..about?
ooh..
he was telling me of wanting to have a chalet..
when?
1st feb..at sentosa..
really? so happening..
wahahaha..
so how you interested?
haha..okay ah..
i don't think i will stay over..but bbq yes!
okok..
K will be so sian lo..wahahhaha
i ask him later see how..
hahahha..why will he be sian leh..
he was like saying..
dont ask C along..so that he can spend more time with you..
hohohoh..damn funny la..
!!!
hahahhahahha
but i prefer C leh..
oops!
no la..
wahhahaha
ping piang!
ahhaha
C is my fav guy..
i know..
i always know..

conversation with C:

next time want to go jb again or not?
if go with you, then okay lor..
wah you so sweet..
sure kana bitten by alot of ants..
ya la sure with me ma..
wah..you sure know how to talk..
haha..
not as good as you la..

conversation with K:

damn sian la..
damn sian? wait la..i'm coming back soon la..
but coming back sg..is not really that favourable also..
true..
i can't wait to go back ynt..in a weird way..
can't wait to come back to yantai to me right? heheheh..
HAHAHA
yah lor..
or to GL
since you say so..
no la..
GL cannot la..
he always lie to me..
dont wanna believe him anymore..
wahhhh..so does that mean you believe me?
of course
but i go back you also not in ynt YET
sian lor..
yeah stupid visa thing
embassy opens on 2nd feb..just note the opening hours and get all the necessary documents
u follow me la..
then after that we go for a movie?
that's super earlyyyyyyyyy
it took me so much effort to go down and did mine..haha
thats true also..
see how lor..hee
okies..i know you damn lazy one..haha..
.
.
.
ehhh..but i am not that desirable meh?
cannot be right..
dammit..must get stronger perfume..hahaha
HAHAHHAHA
you are making me laugh lor..
got what..
F in love with you what..
come on la..F..
crazy ah you..
then what else you want..china is like that lor..
want you lor..
HAHAHAHA..

untitled.

2009-01-18T02:23:00.004+08:00

okay, for once, enough of "silly us" posts for the time being. but i just cannot help it at times..hee..'cos he's so sweet! =)

and i'm slightly annoyed with him la; but then, who am i to him man?

anyway, was flipping papers just now and my horoscope of the day reads:
"someone you like is paying you more attention than usual and it feels great. you may need to let him know how you feel in a strange way, but everyone will see the fun."

no leh, he's not paying me any attention at all! =(( don't even see him online lor.

introducing my first phone which i have bought from china! china brand k-touch........it's not too bad, and very affordable. just slightly below $200 and it's all yours. touch screen, comes with a stylus (but kinda useless cos pressing buttons on this phone has proved to be faster). what else does it has...........camera but not too good..oh, can put 2 sim cards and to be used at the same time too! now i have 3 phones to use..my old but trusty n70 (with a very good camera!), the hp phone, and this one. that day my colleague showed me his new phone and he bought it for S$700! so expensive..but it looks very pretty and has very good functions..

photos taken when i just came back to sg..with daphne and may.......that explains my happy happy expression marked on my face...it felt good to be back!

LATER it will be my best friend's wedding aka wedding dinner la..time to dress up and look all so pretty! =D and also to meet up with my jc mates..

met up with shireen and jiamin yesterday at city hall..they really gave me face lor. came all the way to meet me and to re-schedule their appointments..so touched! the last time we met up was a year ago! very happy to see them (!!!) and to have quality time to talk to them individually too! shireen left first so me and jiamin just practically stoned at starbucks..it simply feels good to talk to them again..

makes me feel that i should really be back here for good 'cos my life will be more balanced with girlfriends like them in my life constantly..

*******

death.

all deaths are not the same. all mourning is not the same. some voids are chasms that will never be filled. and one will always does whatever one can to ease the pain..

放他走

不放他走

该放他走

不能放他走

可以放他走

不愿放他走

*******

should we stop love from happening from developing from growing? or should we not and just simply go with the flow?

silly us and you.

2009-01-16T01:03:00.000+08:00

went to count how many days i will be here............about 40 days man
good what
enjoy the time lah
it's running out le
time does run out...part of life
get used to it...hehehe
soon it will be yantai again
yah but you'll be in yantai wif me! isnt dat a bonus??
is that a bonus?
you'll be in yantai wid the rest as well what
dammit woman....
hahahahha
come on....don't be dejected
wont la
ok good
but u seem to give me the feeling that you are drifting away
somehw....
will drift back soon enough
and y am i saying this like as thou i am your bf like dat
hahahaha
friggin hell.....
even my bf doesnt say it
ohhhhh ok ok....bummer
.
.
.
so planning to stay till what time?
you are asking me as thou that the moment i leave...we'll meet up for dinner or smething like dat
haha
sure why not
but too bad we are so far apart
not even as near as the causeway
haha
stop playing with my heart.....
i have trained my heart to be as hard as a stone
as much as i can lah of course
well aiyah..dun knw lah...i have been feeling really restless, annoyed, frustrated, impatient, mentally tired, not to say physically aso....
.
.
.
ehhhhh you okay?
okay? meaning?
don't sound okay?
abit
not really not okay
but cos you suddenly never say anything
nothing lah...was just thinking about stuff
i dun knw how long i can tahan running both ways for engineering and PMT
i am feeling really drained

*******

you know that kinda feeling when you know that something bad is happening to someone? it's not premonition or deja vu..it's more that you know it's happening or has already happened..i don't think i have ever felt like that before, but strangely last night, i felt very weird..had this very weird feeling inside me and it was all the way there till i finally felt asleep...it's hard to explain..

and i hope you're okay.

happy me!

2009-01-15T01:14:00.003+08:00

afternoon tea at spinelli's and naan for supper,

what more do i want? =)

silly us.

2009-01-14T01:46:00.000+08:00

hello weiling ah........this is g*eorge....
oh.....hellooooooo...
so what are you doing now?
erm.....i'm going jb..
HUH..serious ah?
yah lor...hee..
going with?
erm...with C lor.....hee..
wah! serious!!!
haha..
yah lor..heeeee..
wah......tell me the truth..are you 2 seriously partor-ing?
hahahahhaa
no la..where got.......
really no?
dont have la.....
okay lor..you say dont have means dont have lor...
i heard that...you're not feeling well?
not feeling well?
yeah..as in not physically...but you know la..not feeling well huh.......
erm......
no la..where got..
you sure? i have my spies around one lor......
haiyah..it's just that hr has been quite.....

*******

eh so hw was ur date?
HAHAHAHA
hahaha
=P
alright
different people...different treatment lor
haiz
of all people of all timing
GL has to call
and i cant lie
willing to go ALL the way sial some more
HAHA
where got
all the way to M'sia mah
in S'pore..such a small island...
cannot...but M'sia can lor
haha
.
.
.
.
your boss concerned about you leh
how come he will know leh
he told me that he can feel it
he knows u too well!!!
die alrdy lor you...he going to give you all his love and attention
hehehehehehe
where got
he wont feel it one lor
he where got so smart
he is lah...when you left he alrdy knw
wah
abit kua zhang right
not kua zhang....after one year tghtr...he alrdy knws each one of us character
.
.
.
you missing us right
=P
missing u....
wah
hehehhe
surprised?
abit la
touched??
even the slightest bit?? anything??
touched huh
no leh
come on woman...show some heart!!
hahahhahah
okay let me think
friggin hell...still need to think
forget it lah...
.
.
.
if i were you
would have been so bored
i prob wont buy a tic and fly back
but it will be real hard to survive being alone
as in w/o us
you just have to include the "w/o us" part rite
hehehe
yes yes i do miss u all
especially you lor...
haiz
dun tell me that sentence didnt touch you...come on lah...i trying very hard leh
yah lor
very touched lor
now your just saying it out of pittance
aiyah ok ok...shall stop disturbing you
kinda bored thats all
chey
thought you really miss me
you dun hv to " thought"...i do miss you
.
.
.
actually i slacked for a very long time
as in
this time back
it has been a long time
it felt long enough
but yet nothing much has been done
well....not saying nothing much has been done
you feel happier rite?
most of the time
coz i not around mah
happy tots...keep happy tots
being with you very happy meh
.............
hahahha
dat was a sucker punch
=P
right thought the rib cage

silly us.

2009-01-13T01:20:00.005+08:00

when are you going to be back in sg?
23rd jan lor.
that time asked you whether you want to see me at the airport you don't want..
yah what, someone has a big group of friends waiting for him what..don't need me around what..haha..
i go there for what......that time D asked me to go airport wait for him i straight away say don't want lor..at least for you, i did considered lor..but someone has a big group of friends lor..
yah lor..quite true..
-_-""!!
fine lor..
no la..even if my friends are there, i most prob will be eating with g*eorge, m*elvin they all..
really? then see how lor..maybe can join you guys..
.
.
.
.
when are you going to return to yantai?
probably 8th feb lor..
huh...really ah..
come back earlier leh..
why?
don't know..come back earlier la..
give me a good reason to come back earlier lor..haha..
hmm..'cos i will be left with A and B.......then super sian lor.....no wait..i still have C...but C will most probably have his new girlfriend or girlfriend around..............oh no wait...i still have D......but then again......
nevermind la..you should have a good break..stay longer in singapore lor...
okay..then i will stay longer lor..
okay lor..fine..stay longer..
.
.
.
come back earlier la.....

random.

2009-01-12T20:14:00.004+08:00

i am actually going on a date tomorrow. Don't really feel much about it, but since it's the 3rd time that he asked, and the first two times didn't managed to realise due to some unforeseen circumstances (we agreed to meet but we didn't in the end); i obliged lor. hope tomorrow will be fun? i think it will be la, cos there's not much expectations? so no expectations = fun?

but then, you-know-who sure gets !!! if he knows about my date tomorrow and how much i've done to go on this date. hee.

anyway i spent today updating my resume. let's see how things go. =)

should i go for a run laters?

feeling better.

2009-01-12T00:16:00.003+08:00

okay la. the previous entry was posted on impulse.
there are still stuff which i can't bear to leave behind. just like when the eyes simply get lit up, bright and crystal clear, at the mere mention of you-know-who. *smile sheepishly*

it's growing, and getting more relevant.

quite tempted.

2009-01-11T23:46:00.002+08:00

my drafted letter:

Subject: Resignation Letter

Dear G*eorge,

I would like to inform you that I am resigning from my position as Project Executive for Yantai Raffles XX, effective January 12, 2009.

Thank you for the opportunities for professional and personal development that you have provided me during the year. I have enjoyed working for the company and appreciate the support provided me during my tenure with the company.

If I can be of any help during this transition, please let me know.

Sincerely,

Low Wei Ling

feeling happy.

2009-01-10T02:38:00.007+08:00

human emotions are as simple as they are complex.

i'm reminded of that slow dance with you when i heard kiss goodbye on tv tonight. for that brief moment, we did probably had that sizzling feeling there, but it just didn't continue from that point onwards.

i caught you looking at me that night, and how uncomfortable i felt 'cos i knew you were looking at me. or was i mistaken? and how i tried to look at you again to see whether you were still looking at me.

lately, i am having these mental blocks. like suddenly, i just simply cannot recall certain things, like whether did i send that sms out, whether did that person reply; this afternoon i couldn't remember phone numbers too. been having random mental blocks.

i can suddenly feel so motivated, yet discouraged soon enough.

someone once told me that being alone does not equate to loneliness, and vice versa. i can't recall who said that though. you may have people around you, but you may still feel lonely. k told me that he has been doing things on his own when he's in singapore. someone once told me that she's queuing up (alone!) to buy bak kwa when i called to ask what she was doing. as i grow older, i realised that there are things which you begin to do it on your own, not because you do not have the company, but you do enjoy being on your own. for example, you can have all the time in the world, at your own pace. someone once told me that eating alone is actually an enjoyment. someone once told me that watching a movie alone feels totally different. i am so tempted to go and watch one on my own one of these days. but then again, does watching dvds alone equates the same thing?

i came back to singapore, feeling a little empty inside me. especially when night comes. like what i have said, it really feels so different this time round as compared to the previous.

and i realised that sadness is addictive and it eats into you. and happiness, at the same time, is addictive too. someone told me that it is harder to contain happiness as it disappears as fast as it appears. someone also once told me that happiness is not a destination but a journey.

i realised that it hasn't been raining. did i miss the december rain? i remembered stopping one of my msn conversations once at night so that i could go out to the balcony to watch and feel the rain.

there are many reasons why people get together, because they are lonely and need that companionship; because they have grown to get used to having that person around; because they enjoy being with that person; because feelings get developed and they just grow from that point onwards and so on. i remembered reading somewhere that being together with another person is because you want to take care and protect that person. is that what we called "unconditional love"?

in life, there are many things which we may have done and regretted, as much as we try not to. someone once said that as much as we try to forget, as far as we try to run, as much as we try to avoid, we cannot deny the fact that it has happened.

humans by nature, are affectionate with feelings and emotions. feeling down and unhappy at times is inevitable. the presence of unpleasant memories is part and parcel of life.

to forget, is to run away from reality.

and i really hope that i'm beginning to heal. =)

human emotions are as simple as they are complex.

******

i'm quite determined to visit peng lai when i go back this time round. not very eager, but since i am in yantai, i should just go. 'cos peng lai's like the place to visit if you are in yantai! plus i already have company! =)

you know how things just simply fall in place when you don't expect them to be. life is as queer as it is sane.

silly us.

2008-12-31T01:26:00.001+08:00

well there is a 1st time for everything
yeah...
but dun worry...take it in your stride
should be ok soon
besides...you got me arnd...whats the prblm?!
hahahaha
yah lor that's why i msned you this morning what
haha
you sure your gonna be ok?
no
haha
but have to be okay right
(F)....naah flower for you...next time get sunflower for you
wahhhhhhhh
so nice
i wished to be there in S'pore for you...but I can't...but a piece of advice...dun take it too hard on ourself
.
.
.
.
anything you need from sg?
you come back to Yantai safely can arldy, engh for me
hehehe
wahhhhhhhhhh
nowadays huh
i think you and g*eorge same pattern one
talk the same way
hang out too much together le huh
haha no lah
just get yourself back tghtr before coming back k
okay
well plus i will be back for CNY ... so next time...i will bring you out ok?
okay!
you alwys say this, but aftr dat fly kite
sianz....
WHERE GOT
never lor
call u dun wanna answer me calls
damn depressing man
aiyah
here ppl putting in effort,,,no response from the other side
hahaha
okay next time i sure answer
better
.
.
.
.
anyway i think it's a trade off to work in china
probably can save more but nothing worthy to spend on
yeap true
you can spend on me ?? hahaha
i come back here, i ended up spending unnecessarily
waste my $$ spend on you =P
hey i think i am a good catch k!! worth every penny
haha
hah really meh
yup...you dun think so?
yah lor. rare breed lor
now you make me sound like im sme knda dog
rare breed?? meaning?
i am interested to hear more...hahaha
rare kind lor
as compared to xx and xxxx
aas what a*licia and i always say
i see i see
well dats becoz they r young and hv not been through things that i hv been through
but then, a person's character doesnt change a lot what
i dont think it's cos xx and xxxx are still young
erm...yeah true
they might probably be a little mature at your age.......................but.......
i still think it's the character
oh ok
as in as much experience they can accumulate huh
but then.....there's really so much one can change la
you now must be disappointed how come nvr get a bf like me rite
hahahaha
-_-""
maybe for a change think of me...might help you get over faster...i do have dat knda effect on women
hahahhahahaha
hahahha really?

'cos you said so.

2008-12-30T00:48:00.004+08:00

i tried to sleep but i couldn't.

i may not be the smartest girl around but i am not dumb. i can be as sensitive as i want to be and to read between each line. i used to wonder why some people just can't see the light out of something when it just seems so clear-cut in the eyes of a stranger.

i guess i know the answer now.

'cos i still chose to believe you. to believe the things you say, to ignore the obvious contradictions. to believe you 'cos you said so.

we can never be friends again. even if i say we could. tell me if i am wrong, but i think you feel the same way too. yes, i'm a walking contradiction too. i never said i wasn't.

we can never be friends again. the day we ended this relationship of ours, i lost a friend in you. and it is this loss which i find it a pity.

we don't even talk.

there are many misunderstandings but it's pointless to clear them up now. i just want you to know that i've never once belittled your importance to me when we were together. and i'm sorry if my actions have caused you to feel so. i'm really not good with words or expressing myself.

She!

2008-12-28T23:53:00.001+08:00

hey dear, i think i am right! that's really the title of the song and the singer is Elvis Costello.

here's the link!
http://mp3.baidu.com/m?f=ms&tn=baidump3&ct=134217728&lf=&rn=&word=Elvis+Costello&lm=-1

sigh.

2008-12-28T06:40:00.004+08:00

i am still up.

just met up with 3 different groups of people in the same night - and came home feeling not so good. my colleagues were the final group which i've met, and they reaffirmed the fact that we might be leaving for china on the 4th jan 2009. there goes my dream of extending my stay in sg all the way till after cny.

i don't know, but i just felt damn sian about it. i guess the thought of taking unpaid leave all the way till post cny is not possible as well.

there's like just a week left before i go back.

the morning after christmas - where will it lead me to?

2008-12-26T05:35:00.005+08:00

been some time since i am out so late. still craving for more of this to come. we went to catch a movie at cine - bedtime stories - not too bad, entertaining. memories memories, they just keep pouring in as we drove along the expressway..miss the old times with the necessary people in my life.

yah la, i still get nervous and all. does it say anything?

the night before christmas.

2008-12-25T19:05:00.001+08:00

the way forward.

2008-12-22T01:08:00.001+08:00

here i am, with everything needed in place, but just a little too late. the big screen tv with the dvd player attached, the perfect number of dvds for us to spend the cold quiet nights together with. you can't believe the no. of times i've thought of you all this while today while sitting in my room. the convenience of being back here for christmas for good, but just a year later. and that's me taken at the seoul airport while waiting for the train to bring us to the arrival terminal.

well, it still feels good to be back, especially when i am happier now.

and that's all it matters.

oh, and i think i really grew up quite a bit.

Coming back!

2008-12-18T08:32:00.002+08:00

reaching this saturday night, 930pm!

somewhere only we know.

2008-12-15T22:33:00.003+08:00

being so afraid. and i wonder why.
one foot forward, two steps backwards. and i will never ever gonna reach to you.

*******

last saturday was dennis' birthday and this big group of us went to have dinner tog at jackies. we headed down to alibaba for drinks after that. been such a long time since i danced that i ended up with a backache and it's still hurting now. lousy..
had lots of fun at alibaba just dancing ourselves silly..doing the china kinda dance moves..

reminds me of the times when i did bowling and badminton with g&g back in the good 'old days and i ended up with muscle aches as well.

it really feels so different this time round as compared to the previous. the previous was a more subtle kinda feeling..

okay. to bed early tonight. and my lower back is still aching. sigh.

Kinda.

2008-12-11T22:23:00.002+08:00

i think it really feels good when all i need is just one tiny little thing to be the way i want it to be. it makes me happy. the start of everything is always like that, isn't it? just like all things, especially a relationship, no one goes into one wanting it to end, or am i wrong? dennis once told me that, if it really has to end, we have to learn how to get through the unhappiness it has brought with it and to move on. i didn't get into a relationship wanting it to end.

and they were all teasing me 'cos i was all along breaking people's hearts and this time round, i've gotten my heart broken instead.

it makes me wonder whether things happen for a reason, you see, as in fate. i am here and you are here, and no, it wasn't love at first sight. more like a gradual kind of liking..

but sometimes, i would think that the friendship is more valuable to me. I wouldn't want to lose you as a friend. and even though how much i wish to not be here sometimes, i know i will sure miss everything here when i finally decide to leave.

next stop.

2008-12-10T22:18:00.002+08:00

it's kind of weird recently. the sudden consciousness of someone else's existance. it's like you knowing that the kettle is hot but you still want to touch it. it's like being so blind when you are madly hopelessly in love that you couldn't see a thing but once you're out of it everything becomes so cystal clear at once? yeah..i know where it will be heading if it continues like that..and here i am trying real hard to resist it, to not want to touch the kettle, but there i am, not being able to tell myself not to 'cos i am so blind not to see all the bads of it. there will be so many issues to handle if it continues on, from the family especially. and will this magic ever last once we are out of wonderland? at the end of the day, probably what we ought to be looking for is someone whom we can settle down with, someone whom i know will love me and take real good care of me, and someone whom i want to entrust my entire life with. maybe love at first sight is really over-rated. but it really feels so different this time round. maybe because there are more issues to consider. maybe.

today.

2008-12-07T23:43:00.007+08:00

today i felt happier.

just like a load suddenly liften off my mind.

seriously.

maybe it's time.

the snow has made me happier.
the people around me have made me happier.
being with you have made me happier.

SNOWING!

2008-12-05T22:23:00.001+08:00

Heavy snow in Yantai..

this morning..everything went on as per normal..

i woke up and got prepared for work..

checked out the weather and learnt that it has snowed..

at 7am, alicia told me that George called to tell us that

there were no vehicles coming into the area 'cos of e snow..

cars were all covered with snow and it would take some time for

the people to clear the snow and the pathway..

good for us 'cos it means that we didn't need to go to work..hee..

but soon after, George called again to tell us that we had to get our asses to work..

'cos the previous time something similar happened,

the koreans all didn't turn up for work..

and we shouldn't be like them..

so..........

despite our reluctance..

we walked out...and walked and walked and walked..

in the heavy snow...

sunk our feet into the snow..

in heels mind you!

our driver couldn't get his car to work..
but we couldn't get any cabs...

so we decided to check out the buses..

but didn't know which no. to take..

just when we thought all was lost..

we managed to get transportation!

people shoving the snow..

cute kris checking out for buses for us to take..

see that little trail which he has made?

damn cute..

a big truck to shove the snow?

don't really know how effective it is man..

this is me and kiran..

hmm..uj..

my beloved 3 roomies..
alicia, kiran and uj..

okay..i was trying to show how terrible the snow was..
but apparently the locals thought i was just pointing at the tail lights..
and they couldn't understand why i was doing so..

star drawn by me..the snow was really soft..

car covered with snow..

taken from our apartment..

me..check out my heels..

these 3 uncles were shoving the snow and

i was trying to take a pic with them hard @ work..

but they decided to stop working once my colleague pointed the camera at them..

so that explained everything..

nice long path for the cars to travel..

another car covered with snow..

the path which we have to take this morning..

there was this major traffic jam on the way to work..

reached office at around 0915..

more than an hour late for work..

but despite having to slog through the snow..

we had some fun..

taking photos and sorts..

*******

we went out to have lunch..

and it was actually very windy and still snowing..

us at the noodle place..

with rosy cheeks..

me and dennis..

me after lunch..

with my trusty umbrella and looking retarded..hee

snowman made by someone in the yard..

mating of the semi-submersible

2008-11-28T16:23:00.002+08:00

finally...after all this while..i will introduce my wonderful wonderful company..

we have this magnificant majestic 20,000t crane, which, of course, is able to lift - 20,000t. this is the 1st and only rig in the world which is able to lift such a weight thus far..

this is the 1st official operation which we are performing - mating the deckbox and the hull of a semi-submersible rig together. basically a semi-sub drills oil..

transporting the deckbox (yellow object) to the 20,000t crane

we are using a barge - the platform floating at the bottom of the deckbox - to transport the deckbox to the crane.

this is the 20,000t crane Tai Sun, named after some mountain in shandong, china. the hooks aka pegs in the picture are supposed to be chained to the deckbox.

this is a further view of the crane.

at night..when all the pegs are finally hooked to the deckbox.

the lifting of the deckbox starts..

that's the hull at the bottom..mating is a process of putting 2 objects together and they will be joined by welding..

that explains all the hoo-haas about this 20,000t crane..we have had some christening ceremony and this time round, it is the first lift ceremony. there was lots of big shots and fire crackers going on..

**********

we can go up to the top of the 20,000t crane and i have been up there several times. erm, it's actually quite scary, especially when there are strong winds and when the weather's chilly.

taken from the top of the crane

an overview layout of the yard from the top of the crane

this is me..taken probably in april..

vulnerable me.

2008-11-22T00:02:00.001+08:00

i need to talk to someone 'cos i might be getting into real serious trouble..

updates..

2008-11-13T23:42:00.001+08:00

our new apartment!

stairway to the 2nd level..

bathroom

big wardrobe..

my bed..with chinese looking curtains..

our sunday cooking sessions..

prata for the curry

chicken curry

hot dogs

the feast!

********

a simple meal for 2

it doesn't take a lot.

2008-11-04T23:19:00.002+08:00

and i am lovin' each day being here with you.
hope you feel likewise.

=)

2008-10-30T21:49:00.005+08:00

是我想太多

你总这样说

但你却没有

真的心疼我

是我想太多

我也这样说

这是唯一能

安慰我的理由

happy birthday ling,

and now you are here with me,

you are finally here, with me.

Post Birthday Grumblings

2008-10-17T21:13:00.011+08:00

The day after my birthday - super tired 'cos i only slept at 2am last night but had to go work today nonetheless..really couldn't wake up this morning..this is my working space for now and my silly colleague decided to take out his phone today of all days and start taking photos when everyone looked super cmi..

had a very very sweeet birthday celebration yesterday with my darling colleagues..a supposed-to-surprise-me birthday surprise didn't worked out as planned but it was really very sweet..

first time i had ice-cream cake for my birthday.. =) and also the first time i celebrated my birthday out of Singapore..

thank you to all who wished me happy birthday!

***********

Only my 2 best friends will appreciate this kinda humour.. -_-""

oh, did i mentioned before that there is a water supply cut in the area which i am staying 'cos people are repairing the road!? no water to bathe! am moving to my new apartment this sunday..2 levels one! looking forward to it actually..hee..will take pics and post them up..

this sunday is a good day so far. =)

2008-10-13T00:41:00.003+08:00

it had to die the day you left

2008-10-08T22:21:00.004+08:00

in need of sobriety

2008-10-07T00:39:00.001+08:00

the euphoric infatuation stage of a new relationship equals dangerous?? cos it dulls the pain but slow the healing? maybe not emotionally stable enough to handle the inevitable ups and downs that come with it.

but it feels so good. and cos there's no history to begin with. a distraction; keeping from having the need to experience the full extent of the emotional pain of the previous - a misguided attempt?

found so many substitutes in china that it seems unncessary to bring the originals over. bought lots of 3in1 coffee though...my one and only indulgence for now..no one, nothing is indispensible..beginning to accept the reality of that..i can be so easily be replaced in china and once i leave, i don't think they will remember my existance soon after ..that's why...............home is still the best..cos my family wouldn't not want me and my friends are (have to be) stuck with me of course no matter what..

********

for the intended.

and well, after so long, i have made my decision and it was communicated to the intended.

riddles circles

2008-10-06T00:08:00.006+08:00

my birthday is coming and i am actually going to NOT spend it in sin..still remember how my 23rd birthday was celebrated.. =)

not really looking forward to that day right now..

oh, i just finally decided to create an account on facebook..since i am back and have nothing much to do..might as well spy on others right? hee..and you know what's the best part? my dearest dearest friend hasn't add me yet despite several nagging from me..tsktsk..

everything felt almost the same being back here..i will be back for good next year..well..i said the same old thing last year right? that i will only be gone for a year? but things have changed and plans have changed. it wasn't strong to begin with. everything seems so blurry right now. i wasn't part of your life, and you won't really part of mine. i started thinking a lot about us, these couple of days, and i actually cried the night i came back. you were, not to deny, my primary source of strength, when i was in china and that's why i really crumpled when you pulled out just like that. just like that. i realised how much i have depended on you, emotionally. and i realised how much you have not depended on me ever since i have left. how out of place i have become that you didn't know where you should place me when i returned. how plans were painstakingly made prior to my return and how plans were changed during my return.

it has been a struggle since the day i'm back. and i am still right now waiting for something which will never happen.

i just think too much has happened and i don't know how to make things go back to what they were
so that's it then?
i guess
yeah

it's often said that no matter what the truth is, people see what they want to see. some people might take a step back and find out that they were looking at the same big picture all along, some people might see that their lies have almost caught up to them, some people might see what was there all along and there are some others - the ones who run as far as they can so that they don't have to look at themselves.

"stay and fight, and i will fight with you"

********

I hope it will never end. For all the sweetness that I wish for, I am willing to give up anything for it. Anything.

For a memorable night to remember -

Of red stars and red shoes.

Of silly vending machines.

Of the 12 pull ups.

Of the promise to reach HSBC suspension bridge with me.

Of wanting to take pictures with me.

Of the lame jokes that I had laughed at.

Of everything.

I hope red will remind you of me.

黄海城市花园

2008-10-02T23:58:00.002+08:00

welcome...to huang hai cheng shi hua yuan aka yellow sea garden city..
haha..
yeah that's the name..
this is the place where i have been living for the past 1 year..
it's a really nice place to be in..of course minus the not-so-clean parts at times..

took this from one of the apartments which we have been viewing thus far..
the view is really very nice from here..
can see the sea..

emo emo night..

2008-10-02T01:10:00.001+08:00

time..will make everything right again hopefully..

虽然被放弃虽然我愿意

2008-09-28T23:50:00.000+08:00

home sweet home!

2008-09-28T01:32:00.002+08:00

going back sin soon! a very short short trip but well, i think i need that break..and well, to prep myself for more stuff when i get back here..

there will be lots of changes when i am back here..less time to slack..should be more focused..

silly us were playing bridge..and well, it's fun la..just hanging out with them..eating peanuts too..haha..i hope it will last and not be a one time off period thingy..don't really want that to happen leh..

will reach sin on the 30th morning..actually will be travelling back with george as well this time round..we nearly wanted to fly via korea this time round but chose beijing in the end..maybe next time i can drop by seoul..

wanted to hang around in beijing but too bad, tickets are really running out fast this october week cos of the national day..am just very glad that i am able to get back sin..nearly couldn't cos of visa issues..

and silly me locked myself out of my apartment this morning..had to call the locksmith to open the door..felt kinda lost when i realised what i have done..so lost that i just sat at the stairway while waiting for the locksmith to come and i sent 3 sms-es to daphne..well..at least i learnt something..

need to go to work tomorrow..sunday..damn sian..and on monday too before i fly back to sin.. =(

daphne, how about taking leave on 2nd oct or 6th oct? actually 3rd oct also can..up to you..

some days i miss you still, some days i don't. maybe i should start taking a log each month and start counting to see whether the days i miss you get lesser or more as the days go by.

so random..

2008-09-23T22:30:00.005+08:00

drank 3 cups of coffee today and i am still feeling very sleepy right now. my final cup of coffee was only at 8pm man..becoming a coffee addict soon..but i won't give up having my starbucks when i am back in sin..hee..

being a coffee addict beats being a smoking addict any time man..one of my colleagues recently started smoking a lot more..he used to tell us that he promised his mum that he wouldn't smoke again..well..most smokers say the same thing don't they..

haven't try smoking before..some day i might perhaps..but i would want to try it out with you-know-who..and not here with my colleagues..remember how i used to be against some people who smoke..i know it's again a matter of choice..

getting very tired every day..exhausted at the end of each day..don't know how much i have learnt each day..trying to put out fires..lessening the workload for george..maybe i can't see my progress yet..quite brain-dead now actually but still here blogging when i can use it for sleeping..but just felt that i need to think about stuff..

been thinking about an issue these few days..going through different what-if scenarios in my mind..haven't come to a decision yet..but well..more or less know what i want..don't know whether i should meet B to get back my stuff cos it's just a matter of time..

should be going back sin soon..a very short stay actually..touch and go kind..actually hoping for 2 weeks but highly unlikely..and 2 days are actually spent on travelling le..sigh..

this time back will feel a little different for me..not saying that i do not really feel like going back but more like..of course there are still things to look forward to..but there are also things which i wish i don't have to face right now..but there's no point in avoiding them..

recently realised that i have grown up a little..just a couple of weeks ago i was trying to not be easily affected by certain stuff such as my roomie..and to actually not be so nonchalant about certain stuff such as work. don't know whether my "detachment" efforts have worked because i realised that there are really certain stuff which i really can't be bothered anymore and it is my nonchalance towards them that actually surprised me. really surprised me at how easily i can get over them or not to get myself affected by them. for example, my colleague asked me how would i react if i happen to see B with another girl. i gave it some thought and replied saying that most probably i won't do anything. he said that i should be gracious about it and go over and say hi. well, i really can't be bothered anymore, at least for now when i am trying to picture that scenario in my mind. can't say how i would react if it really happen la..

my sis told me that there's this sia posting and i should try to apply for it..will think about it..weather's getting colder..need to start wearing jacket already..meaning cannot wear skirt too often to work le..come november it will be all cold again..

found this apartment with 4 rooms..probably going to move in with them if we close the deal with the owner..nice owner who asked us to come along with her to choose the furniture and everything..hee..well..everything will be settled by november..

you know how i always believe in first impression attractiveness aka love at first sight and not those slow gradual liking kinda thing? physical attraction is always a first for me..but well, i have dated a guy whom i wasn't attracted to initially la..so well..but there should always be this FEEL thing you know..like fluttering butterflies in the stomach whenever you think of him or whenever you see him..or heartbeat increasing kinda thing..but now don't have leh..it's more like 日久深情kind leh..moreoever we are abroad somemore..there's always this tendency to fall for people within that close social circle..good to rely on for support mah..but once we get back to sin every magical bit of it will fall apart..is that being too skeptical? Not physically attracted to him leh..

=)

2008-09-19T23:08:00.005+08:00

realised something random when i was going to pee..

hmm..all this while i have been so selfish..sticking only to my decisions, what i feel should be right and what should be wrong and not letting others decide..

what i think should be the most appropriate way to do so for the benefit of everyone..i tried to make sure that everyone has gotten his or her own fairness..and what will make them happier..

but i ended up pushing people away cutting people off shutting people out and not knowing that they were actually willing to stay with me even though it might not be the best for them..in other words, i think for them but the truth is that i am not them..so i would never ever know what they are thinking about..what i feel might be good for them might not be so..

never too late to realise though.. -)

it still matters..

2008-09-16T23:12:00.003+08:00

it just feel the same..emotions appear as fast as they disappear..the best time recently is when the mind is occupied..i actually didn't think about it during dinner just now..but i don't know why the feelings came back so strongly again this time..just when i thought they have diminished..who says it was easy? if only it was so easy to forget..

Car Ride(s) and New Plans

2008-09-09T22:21:00.004+08:00

A quick post before i go zzz..hmm..it has been some time since I have taken the front seat of the car, and not to mention that i am not the one who is driving. It's nice to be driven, isn't it? Not really totally at ease..not really that uncomfortable too. Many more rides to come I think.

We should go for car rides when i am back in Singapore, shouldn't we?

More plans are coming up within these couple of months, especially this month and the next. Everyday is a...how should I say it..there's always more to come, more random stuff flying around waiting for owners to adopt them, nothing less than that. But as the saying goes, nothing too big, nothing too small for anyone to handle in the room.

Let's hope that everything will go according to what I have in mind, and if it doesn't, let me learn something out of it, the way and reason why it must have failed but minus the painful way of doing so pleaseeee. I have enough heartache for the time being to handle any more, right?

Memories at King's..

2008-09-03T22:48:00.006+08:00

"The hardest part is when it is time to say goodbye.
As much as we might like things to stay the same,
change is an inevitable part of life."

Goodbye Farrer..

This is goodbye..

To the rare few whom I have mentioned farrer to you

or even have brought you there,

thank you for giving me the opportunity

to share a part of me with you. =)

Beijing-ed.

2008-08-31T22:04:00.003+08:00

hello beijing!

Serious planning. Especially when it comes to starbucks.

For once, the background is the focus.

First meal of the day - settled for vegetarian.

This is really nice! Can't remember what is it though..

And we began walking..this is at the Summer Palace (Yi He Yuan)-which I didn't managed to go the other time.

I like this..

Finally, after a long day of walking......

Yuanyang Steamboat!

Contented after a satisfying meal..

2nd day - really bad weather and sleep-deprived...

duck's feet...not really know how to appreciate it..

duck's liver..not too bad..i like it..

duck's intestines..yucky..we didn't really touch this plate..

this is the famous QUAN JU DE 全聚德 in China..My place also has 1 outlet..but i haven't been there before..i am not ashamed but actually proud to say that we took back these chopstick holders..haha..don't they look cute..

Spicy chicken..

Can't remember what this is...

The chef preparing the duck..separating the meat from the skin etc..

tada! this is sinfully delicious! taste totally different if you didn't eat it with the duck skin..

Goodbye Beijing..

More photos to come, when i get hold of the other set..we went to the olympics stadium and the swimming place too..

CRAP.

2008-08-27T22:12:00.003+08:00

NEW FACES. TO FILL UP THE VOID WHEN OTHERS ARE GONE. NO ONE IS INDISPENSABLE. WHEN THEY WERE SIXTEEN. WHEN EVERYTHING WAS SO SIMPLE. TIME. THE ONLY DEFEAT AND EXPLANATION FOR THINGS WHICH REASONS OR EXCUSES CAN'T BE APPLICABLE ANY LONGER. DETACH-ED. YOU'RE THERE BUT YOU'RE NOT. MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY DETACH-ED BUT PHYSICALLY ATTACHED. DON'T PLAY THE GAME YOURSELF. THINGS ARE MEANT TO BE 'COS EVERYTHING JUST SIMPLY FALLS IN PLACE SO EASILY. THE LOVE FELT FOR YOU JUST BECAME LESS AND LESS RELEVANT. HE MANAGED TO CONVINCED HIMSELF THAT THE WAY HE LOVED YOU ISN'T THE ONLY WAY THINGS COULD BE. WHAT HE FELT FOR YOU AND THE LIFE YOU USED TO HAVE TOGETHER HAS FALLEN AWAY. HE'S MAKING IT FALL AWAY AND IT WILL, UNTIL HE'S CLEAR THAT HE WILL NEVER BE THE PERSON HE IS RIGHT NOW AND WILL BE IF HE HAVE STAYED WITH YOU. GETTING LOST IN RAFFLES PLACE. LONG BUS RIDES TO COMPASS POINT. BIRTHDAY SURPRISE(S). LONG NIGHT CHATS AT THE BBQ PIT. SWIMMING IN TOTAL DARKNESS. 5AM AIR AT RAIL MALL. GREAT WORLD CITY. JURONG HILL. VIVOCITY - THE MAGICAL PLACE. LONG CAR RIDES TO NOWHERE. TRIP TO CHANGI. FIREWORKS AND KISS OF THE MOMENT. EVERY UNSPOKEN BIT WITH A TINGE OF REGRET. THE SLOW DANCE WITH YOU AT FACE. THE POSSIBILITY OF BEING TOGETHER. HE HATES TO THINK OF BUILDING HIS HOME ALL OVER AGAIN, BUT HE WAS, AT HEART, A COURAGEOUS MAN, AND SO HE DECIDED TO TRY. IN A FEW MONTHS HE HAD A NEW HOME, SHADED IN THE SUMMER, SHIELDED FROM THE WIND, SAFE FROM THE STORMS, AND HE WAS ABLE TO BUILD BEAUTIFUL FURNITURE FOR HIS STUDY. HE LIVED THERE, MOSTLY HAPPILY, WRITING TO HIS MANY FRIENDS WHO ALSO HAD PROBLEM TREES. HIS OLD TREE CONTINUED TO GROW IN THE SAME SPOT, AND CONTINUED DROPPING LIMBS DURING EVERY STORM, JUST LIKE BEFORE. ADMITTING POWERLESSNESS AND THE REALIZATION THAT THINGS ARE BEYOND CONTROL. NO TIME TO DAYDREAM RECENTLY. IT HASN'T BEEN RAINING A LOT HERE. SOME THINGS STILL STAY VERY MUCH THE SAME, LIKE HOW I STILL LIKE TO WATCH THE RAIN AT NIGHT. NOW, AFTER ALL THESE, I CAN STILL REMEMBER HOW MUCH I LOVED YOU, BUT I CAN ALSO REMEMBER HOW I HAVE LIED TO MYSELF ABOUT HOW THINGS ARE, AND HOW MUCH IN DENIAL I WAS ABOUT WHAT WE BOTH REALLY FELT, AND HOW OUT OF TOUCH I HAD TO HAVE BECOME WITH WHO YOU WERE. MOST OF THE TIME, I HAVE MANAGED TO CONVINCE MYSELF THAT THE WAY I LOVED YOU ISN'T THE ONLY WAY THINGS COULD BE.

happy happy birthday!

2008-08-23T23:59:00.005+08:00

dearest wei yen,

hope you have had a great birthday celebration!

for all the good times and also the downs

which we have been through together

(all these years - man we are getting old!),

i hope there will always be another

8 years of memories ahead of us till we grow old..

loving you always,

wei ling

Almost lost it.

2008-08-22T23:12:00.004+08:00

Managed to steer myself back this time round and right, I am feeling kinda satisfied with my little "achievement" actually..

He has been busy these 2 days 'cos of back to back meetings and such..and I have been missing his company and all sorts..was actually quite surprised that he actually has created such an impact on me..I felt a little lost without him being physically around..hmm..I actually dropped by his office a couple of times in fact..and well..when he finally appeared at the end of the day, well..that feeling was simply indescribable.